23/09/17 – 25/09/17
Ahh Amsterdam… What a DAM good time!
Amstel is the river that runs through the city. A dam was built because of flooding which is how Amsterdam got it’s name! The more you know, aye!
Clearly the first thing we had to do was get what it’s famous for… SOME HOT CHIPS! You thought I meant weed and space cakes didn’t you. We would never! 😉 Don’t worry, that comes later – food first.
The chips are actually amazing! I think I might even say they taste better than in New Zealand so that’s really something! They’re huge portions AND triple cooked. They even triple your cholesterol too!
Afterwards we went to the condomerie for a bit of a giggle at some funny shaped condoms. These Dutch are very inventive with their shapes. I bet they’ll soon be bringing out a pill that actually changes the shape and colour of your penis to that of an elephant so no fancy looking condoms will need to be used!
We walked around the canals for a bit then did a bit of googling for a good coffee shop was because er… We were looking for… Um… Coffee… 😏 After whittling it down to only a few, we settled for Het Ballonje. It was a bit further out front. Everything than we had anticipated and it felt like we had been walking in the dark for HOURS (20 minutes)! Finally we made it to find it is a small coffees shop, more of a local place to go.
We really felt the pressure walking into the room of 3 others plus we people behind the counter. We blagged our way through, making it seem like we knew what we were doing. Obviously we’ve done weed before but usually someone else sets it up for us and it had been a while since I had rolled a joint! About 2 years ago, when I had also bought 2 teabags for £40 with Arttu and Daniel, in case you were wondering 😂😂
Failing to make it work we set our dignity aside and asked the guy next to us if he could roll our joint for us. He happily rolled it and offered us the rest of his joint before he skipped off home.
We smoked the joint and then we had another go at rolling. Still no cigar (does that pun work?). I stuck my tail between my legs once again and asked some Dutch 18 year old guys if they could roll it for us. Now bear in mind this guy is so very very high and STILL manages to roll the most perfect joint in human history!
Up until we were half way through our second joint, we hadn’t actually felt much from the weed at all. Then ever so slowly the high crept in. At which point we decided we needed to leave because we were laughing very loud in such a small room with hardly any people and were behaving like such amateurs it was embarrassing for everyone 😂
We ate our space cakes on the way back to town and wondered around the red light district watching men turn into zombies at every window then we stopped off at the chip shop before heading to the hotel for an amazing sleep!
The following day we started off bright and (kind-of) early with a free walking tour around the city. We were taken to a small “secret” church disguised as a house. Here Catholic nuns went to worship and pray in secret in the time that people weren’t allowed to be Catholic.
Another church, the oldest one in Amsterdam is right in the middle of an area with about 1,000 sex workers (there are about 5,000 in the whole of Amsterdam)
Our guide took us to a cheese shop to try little squares of yummy cheese. It was pretty Gouda! 😏
Then we saw the smallest house in Amsterdam! WOOOOWWW
Speaking of drugs, did you know that it’s actually not technically legal to do weed in the Netherlands! This is because to change the law would be near impossible because of the EU. The police and government officials turn a blind eye to marijuana consumption because they don’t mind. Coffee shops have a special licence that gets around the law that no one cares about and allows them to sell it and for it the be consumed on the property!
After the walking tour we hit up the coffee shop across the road from our hostel (convenient or what) to grab a brownie and a space cake to half. We ate them then walked down more canals, the red light district during the day and took photos at the IAmsterdam sign while we waited for the cakes to kick in.
It wasn’t until we were on our way to meeting Liam, our ol’ mate from Zadar to say goodbye (turns out he was in Amsterdam as well) that everything became a bit funnier and less things made real sense. We all went to the supermarket for a cheeky ice cream then said goodbye.
As Liam walked off, Danielle and I stared off into the distance, long after he had disappeared into the crowd. About 20 minutes later we realised what we were doing and how weird we looked standing on the footpath outside the supermarket staring into space!
We made a move for Dam Square to sit down but mainly to get away from the people who had been watching us! It then took us another 20 minutes to get 20m because we took one step down the road and then forgot that we were walking somewhere and stopped for 2 minutes! Finally we made it and found the first spot we could to have a little sit down, for probably about 40 minutes.
Now I’ve never had the munchies so I thought maybe that just wasn’t something that happened to me. BOY, was I wrong! We spent ages walking around trying to find our favourite chip shop and the whole time I thought I might fall over and die from hunger or eat Danielle. Genuinely concerned for her safety, I opted for the biggest portion (about 2 scoops) and Danielle got a medium. I couldn’t go inside and stand in the line so Danielle had to for both of us! When it came to pay, she forgot her pin code and somehow managed to get it on the third try! Meanwhile I was standing outside, sunnies on, trying to casually lean on a few bikes just enough to stop visibly swaying but not enough to push them over! I knew for sure that I would not be able to pick them back up again!
After what’s seemed like 2 hours, the chips finally came! We were happily chowing down our chips when we realised that there was sauce all over our hands and we were eating the chips like savages while people watched. I think it was for the best that we moved on!
As soon as we finished our chips, we conveniently stumbled upon another chip shop. We bought a large portion each and smashed round two.
It was home time now before we bought yet ANOTHER portion and/or embarrassed ourselves.
Now our hostel technically had a ‘no drug’s policy but obviously knew that people would be doing them. So our game plan was to keep eyes down, sunnies on and walk straight to the room quietly. I can tell you that plan did not work! We opened the door and the receptionist who checked us in said “hello girls, how are you enjoying Amsterdam?” so we walked over to him, sunnies off and more or less yelled much louder than necessary that yes we were enjoying it very much! He definitely knew! Soon afterwards we had literally the best sleep of our lives!
The next day we headed out to some of the flea markets. When we were looking through a rack of denim jackets we got talking to a girl named Gabi. We made a deal for 3 jackets with the seller and because Gabi wanted to try a cake but didn’t want to do it by herself in Amsterdam. Despite having a 12 hour bus ride in 6 hours we thought we would do the right thing and eat one with her!
Note to self, don’t try to tick off tourist attractions while high. We spent SO long going around in circles trying to find the IAmsterdam sign so that Gabi could get her photo.
We said goodbye and went back to the hotel to grab our bags. Thankfully we managed to walk it off and by the time we got on we were feeling half normal!
So yeah, this time around, Amsterdam wasn’t really about the museums or the fields of tulips. Instead we focused on the er… food and um… “culture”…